Change is the only constant in life

If someone told me a couple of years ago that there would be a global pandemic that turns our world upside down, I would have told them that this is not a dystopian novel. Now, I am not so sure. We consume information about more and more violence every day, women are denied their bodily autonomy and wars can be waged without reason.
I remember writing in my slam book in college that I would be settled in life by the time I’m thirty, enjoying cocktails by my poolside. I guess I used to be much more optimistic as a person back then. It’s going to be a year since I quit my corporate job to pursue my master’s, which also translated as putting enough distance so that nagging relatives don’t ask me about getting married. My work ethic was something I took pride in. When I was in eleventh grade, I remember my Tamil teacher telling us he has never been not occupied with something in life, he got his job the same month he finished his studies. I guess it stuck to me. I did the same, got a job right after my studies and worked for 4 years straight. It took me a lot of conversations with my therapist to understand that I never really had a break in my life. That keep-on-winning attitude is eventually going to result in you becoming burnt out.

I still struggle sometimes with accepting that I am living on my savings, but I haven’t felt this happy in a long time. I remember having a conversation with a German friend who told me it’s a given in his family that everyone takes a gap year after school to live life the way they want. He went volunteering in Serbia to work with school children and fell in love with the country and people that year.I realised the hustle mindset is something we Indians are groomed into. I have never lived life at a slow pace before. To be honest, it’s boring sometimes, but it also gives you time to introspect. Who are you? What do you want in life? Are you doing things for yourself or expectations of others? I realised the reason I didn’t enjoy certain things in life is that I didn’t want them, there were things I was pursuing just because they were markers of success in the world. Once I let go of them, I feel so much freer. Breaking those rigid milestone goals in my life such as getting married at this age, buying a house at this age etc has done wonders for my mental health. Now, my only goal is happiness. It might change in the future, you never know but I feel content where I am.

No Heartbreaks?!

I have been of a belief earlier that when we overload ourselves, often over an emotional outburst like regrets specifically, we break our hearts. Even highly ductile and malleable metals have a breaking point, right? Likewise, I thought it’s okay to take rest and restore whenever there’s an emotional shutdown. At least, that’s how I was.

I sooner or later also realized that regrets keep chasing and we can’t keep shutting down repeatedly for the same issue. ‘Whenever’ was a mistake. A mistake when done once holds some value. But, when it keeps on popping as if there’s no end, it is literally draining. One can’t always choose to rest for the same emotional matter of concern.

Long after this realization dawned, I was told that there can’t be any heartbreaks over regrets, during a conversation with a friend. This assertion made me think. How can a person lose what is loved but not have heartbreak? I explored more on this “no heartbreak” philosophy and that’s when I came across a transcript which I totally enjoyed reading.

Sounds of Silence

They say silence is a source of great strength; so can it be for weakness. When words are replaced with silence, not always does it remain pleasant and comfortable. Sometimes, it haunts with loud shudders of the heart. Yeah, silence has a real sound that is capable of turning truths into lies and projecting illusions as realities. It’s exhausting to the core.

There’s work throughout the day and not enough sleep at night. There are words swallowed and peace slain. The deepest feelings begin to unnerve. Why am I enervated? Is it because of the draining days and sleepless nights? Am I following a dream I didn’t choose to? Am I missing something that I can’t hold? Am I fleeing from my own thoughts? Is what I am running from, the one that I should be running towards? The answers are truly blurred.

Circle of Life

The word “wee”, the prompt for SoCS this week, led me straight to a YouTube video. “The lion sleeps tonight” is my go-to song whenever I have a bad mood. Having watched both versions of “The Lion King” movie, this is one of my two favorite parts of the remake. Weembaway (YouTube link to the song sequence; embed available at the bottom) – at least that’s how I pronounce it – is always joyful to listen to as well watch.

The last time I watched this song, it gave me quite different vibes than the usual. Maybe, what I saw was influenced by my state of mind.

When the ambiance around is good, so many friends stay around the singing Pumba and Timon to enjoy the music. But when in danger, only Timon stays. Even if he can’t help Pumba, he’s the one who encourages him to run for life – “Run, Pumba, Run!”, “I’m coming, Pumba. Hang in there”, he keeps calling as he himself is running. Also, Pumba doesn’t fail to warn his friend even when he’s in a trap – “Run for your life”, he shouts and only then starts his run. Maybe moral support is what we all need in life!

Nala interrupts the best scene in the woods. Life is always such, pulls a brake when everything is so smooth and happy. How easier life would’ve been had Nala not entered the forest! Maybe that’s the perfectly right time or the perfectly wrong one. Who knows?

Utmost Feelings – Anthology

I’m ecstatically happy to share with you the news that an anthology that I’m a part of, “Utmost Feelings” with the theme ‘Love’, has been released.

It’s been exactly a month today since the launch (29th June 2021). But, I wanted to share this news only after I received a paperback copy. The delivery was a mess, unfortunately, and I got my copy only a couple of days ago and hence the delay in the announcement.

Attached with bittersweet memories, this book will always remain special. Astha, the girl who initiated the process of compiling this book is no more with us. Today marks the end of three months since her demise. But still, the legacy of her dream lingers in each word that the book holds. I heartily appreciate the efforts of True Dreamster, the publisher, who took Astha’s wish forward and presented this bouquet of love to her family as a tribute.

I extend my heartfelt gratitude to every person who’s a part of this wonderful project and all supporters.

Co-authors from WordPress

• Writing feels good – Astha  
• Caring for Art – Kumar Harsh  
• Crazy Nerds – Anisha  
• Develop.Inspire.Transform – Jeff Flesch  
• Heartlight Poetry – Sacha  
• Intangible Mysteries of Soul – Sowjanya 
• Let’s read our words – Roshni 
• Navin’s Poetry – Navin Manik
• Offshore Writings – Preetha David & Samuel Lawrentz 
• Oishmortal – Oishwaria 
• Proxy Words – Ashish 
• Spiritual Fantasia – Linda Jessica Wang 
• Tacit Verses – Tanushree 
• The Glittering Soul – Diana Menezes 
• Unique Times – Cindy

Co-authors outside WordPress

• Ashutosh Joshi
• Debashreeta Nanda
• Hiba Lakshmi Mohan
• Irtiqa Noor Ansari
• Neelam Gupta
• Parvatha Varthini
• Radhika G
• Rudrali J Gor
• Sandeep Chouksay
• Sandra Prasanth
• Shruti Kumari

Purchase Links:

Paperback:

Amazon IN | Shopclues | Amazon US | Amazon CA | Amazon AE | Amazon UK | Amazon DE | Amazon FR | Amazon ES | Amazon IT | Amazon JP

E-book:

Amazon Kindle | Kobo Books | Google Books | Google Play Store | Barnes & Noble | Payhip

Credits

Image designed by True Dreamster .

Kid at heart!

Has innocence lost its meaning at present times? We live in a world where even children are deprived of innocence. As young adults, most want to give the illusion that they are older than they actually are. Doesn’t this thought make one consciously lose a valuable virtue?

Facing the fact, it’s really hard to keep the inner child alive as we grow. But, is it not mostly because we want to look mature in the eyes of society? Let’s try recalling an incident when one of our peers would have behaved with innocence, maybe jump in the stairs or walk like a toddler used to. We’d have certainly heard voices about he/she acting weird, naive, or behaving so to grab attention. Why can’t it be considered simply as an act of joy and enjoyment?

Mental Health And A Global Pandemic

It is been a long time since I have posted on this blog. My mental health took a drop in the last couple of months and now that I am in a position to talk about it, I wanted to share my experience. I started working from home in March 2020. It was really exciting initially because I could spend time with my family for an extended period. But as time went on, the lines between personal and professional aspects of my life got blurred. There were days in which I used to work for 14 hours straight. It had a serious impact on my sleep and eating habits. I knew I was in a stressful situation but kept on going without a break.

There’s a concept called spoon theory regarding your mental health. We have 3 pieces of cutlery – spoons, forks, and knives. Spoons represent the energy you can expend today, forks represent the stressors or things that take up your energy and knives represent the energy you have saved up for tomorrow. As the days went on, the number of spoons I had kept on decreasing. When you do not have enough spoons, you start using your knives. One fine day, I was out of spoons and knives and I had my first anxiety attack. The feeling of helplessness and inability to breathe was one of the worst things I have experienced in my life. I knew I could not do it on my own anymore and I reached out for help. I started seeing a therapist.

Solitude

To my left is an open window. Caged in, I let my memories wander.

Night life rushes to the front. When it’s night, why’s there light? Staring through the window at the beauty of the moon, I’ve had sleepless nights with music by my side; Lights from roads have haunted me resulting in recurrent dreams for more than a fortnight.

When it’s bright, all I see are members of the animal kingdom – the chirping birds that pluck out plants from the hanging pots; a cow that chased when I carried a heavy school bag; squirrels that get around the climber and disturb my nap by cracking open walnut shells over the compound walls; a distant well surrounded by coconut and toddy palms – a comfortable resting place of woodpeckers and Baya weavers.

To my left is an open window. Caged in, I let my memories wander.

Night life rushes to the front. When it’s night, why’s there light? Staring through the window at the beauty of the moon, I’ve had sleepless nights with music by my side; Lights from roads have haunted me resulting in recurrent dreams for more than a fortnight.

When it’s bright, all I see are members of the animal kingdom – the chirping birds that pluck out plants from the hanging pots; a cow that chased when I carried a heavy school bag; squirrels that get around the climber and disturb my nap by cracking open walnut shells over the compound walls; a distant well surrounded by coconut and toddy palms – a comfortable resting place of woodpeckers and Baya weavers.

Academic Integrity

I have my own moral principles, and one of them is not to copy in an exam, or do any sort of plagiarism. Whether it’s a class test, term test, an assignment or finals doesn’t matter to me.

I’m someone in the top strata performers. I listen to lectures diligently. When there was a surprise test a few weeks before the finals, I failed at school. I didn’t regret it because I knew I deserved it for my preparation level. There have also been times when I’ve stood alone at college for non-submission of assignments. This made me lose marks in the internals. However, I’ve been happy for not choosing to compromise on my value.

I was tampering with this value – my academic integrity – in other means somehow, under the guise of being good. Little did I realize it until I got punished for being good.

Stress

I remember a sentence that was shared by a professor, a few years back. He used to tell us interesting facts and historical stories every day for at least 10 minutes.

“I never said she stole my money”.

Now, try reading this statement stressing one word at a time.

➟ I never said she stole my money – Someone else could have said it.

➟ I never said she stole my money – I didn’t say that she stole.

➟ I never said she stole my money – I only implied it or witnessed it.

Rising Sun is a Lie

The first celestial lesson we take as a kid is that the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. But in reality, is it not the rotation of the Earth that makes the Sun appear to rise in the East? The difference is so subtle. We’re just logically tricked.

We all get to know this truth as we grow up but still choose to believe the lie that sun rises and sets. Why? Because it’s comfortable. For years together, we’ve trained our brain that way and it’s wired to take the easy-to-believe route that doesn’t need too many explanations.

Lying has been perceived as a disgraceful social habit. So, most often, we don’t lie in public. But, we continue lying in many other circumstances to our own self without even realising it.

Floaters

We’ve all had that childhood sisters/brothers who used to terrify us by saying dreadful stories or something that doesn’t even exist. I must have been in my 1st or 2nd grade when I was introduced to the concept of ‘glassics’. Let me tell you what glassics are.

On a sunny day, when you stand out for a long time, you get to see that arrow/worm-like thing floating in the air, in your field of vision. You might even have experienced it while glancing at similar uniformly bright objects, say, a blank computer screen or even snow.

My then neighbour and senior at school used to spin stories around that, telling me that these are worms flying around in air causing infection to people. The highlight is that I believed all these for a few years until I knew that particles or organisms in the air cannot be seen with naked eyes.

Clouded Thoughts

I ran to the moors chasing a rabbit. Thunder distracted me. I looked at the sky and stood there awestruck by the beauty of the mountains that were capped by dark clouds.

It started to drizzle. It felt good. I didn’t want to move. Hoping to spot a rainbow, I missed another rabbit, this time the one in the form of bubbled clouds, that crossed my path.

So is life. We chase our dreams and get stuck without working for them when there’s a distraction.

Excuses

“It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one. ”
– George Washington

Why do we make an excuse? Is that really bad?

Most often, it is. Every failure, every lost opportunity, brings in a growth retardant – self-doubt. When self-doubt enters our life, esp. when so much seems at stake, we start making excuses for two reasons:

➟ First, excuses make it easier to live with our failed expectations.

➟ Second, if we fail in a new trial, we already have a reason in hand.

The most common excuse which we come up with is the lack of time. We miss opportunities not because of lacking time but by misperceiving time. To support our arguments, the handiest tools are

Masks

Masks have become a nuisance in the present times, even if they are meant to protect us. We are waiting to get rid of those and breathe freely.

But, have we been living mask-free all our life, or at least thought of removing all our masks before? Just ponder over it.

Have you ever faked yourself? Don’t get me wrong but all of us have, at times.

On a lighter note, I wonder if anyone hasn’t faked studying at some point.

Picturesque

The view is always better from distance. When you get closer, you don’t get the perfect looks. You get to see the flaws. More of them, actually!

So are our relationships. It always appears pleasant from a distance. Only when you commit, you feel the real vibe. You might find pleasure, reflections, and even stuff you don’t like.

As a generic instance, let us consider the marvels of nature.

We don’t say that the mighty mountains might have looked better had they been steeper. We don’t judge the

One-Liner Wednesday #4

Compassionate Revenge

That feeling when you grow manifold and treat people in an exceptional way is the best revenge to the same people who treated you as an exception.

Credits

This is in response to the ‘One-Liner Wednesday Prompt’ by Linda G. Hill. The challenge is to write a motivational or funny one-liner inspired by the given picture.

Magic Eraser

Would you be willing to erase a certain part of your life – childhood, teens, the period of 20s, or adult stage? Most won’t.

Even if each stage carries a ton of bitter memories, there’ll

Right Words

“We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out.”
– Winston Churchill

Maintain the same patience when replying to someone, as you have when you browse with new keywords till you get the precise results.

Be someone who believes in the efficacy of using the right words, not only with Google but also with human relations.

Cheers!

One-Liner Wednesday #1

Tempo

Anytime is good time to realize when ‘nothing’ ends and ‘something’ begins – the something for which nothing else matters.

Photo for the prompt (from lindaghill.com)

Credits & Footnote

This is in response to the ‘One-Liner Wednesday Prompt’ by Linda G. Hill. The challenge is to write a motivational or funny one-liner inspired by the given picture.