Haunting Surprise

Adi planned a surprise for Aditi. It was their first anniversary.

He woke her from sleep in the early morning. Midnight would be the right term to use. He covered her eyes, and started driving to a new place. It was her wish to go to a distant place, with just him.

On the way, Adi played her favourite songs, kept her hooked ranting his childhood tales to distract her thoughts from the surprise.

He explained the beauty of the dawn comparing it with her eyes. Availing the chance, Aditi manipulated him to get her mask removed to witness the beautiful sunrise, still blushing. Her request got rejected. She enjoyed the denial, and mentally prepared herself for a big surprise.

Adi was overwhelmed with joy when he got to know this place through a friend. He knew Aditi loved nature, specifically serene spots to enjoy with family, and thought this trip would be a perfect gift.

They reached the spot, with her eyes still covered. He detailed the surroundings while walking her to the red bridge – the fishing spot surrounded by twisted trees, the pool filled with water lilies, and children playing in the park nearby.

His words hit her deep in the brain. Blurred memories cross, but she brushed them off!

When he untied the mask, she instantly fainted, neither for the beauty of the place nor loving his surprise.

He could see only the pool, and its surroundings, and nothing harmful. Still wondering what went wrong, he tried to bring her back to senses.

All the faint memories that Aditi had painted black, and left hidden in the depths of her mind, started gaining colours and got back to life.

Only she could see the non-existent quagmire beyond the pool that took away her little sister whom Adi didn’t know existed. This is the place she dreaded the most in her life.

The scene was almost similar even back then. Aditi’s eyes were covered with a black mask. As kids, Aditi and her sister were playing hide and seek.

The best things happen unexpectedly. So are the worst.

Sometimes, the most shocking surprises are also the most beautiful surprises. Sadly, for Aditi, it turned out to be a nightmare. A beautiful surprise happened to be the most shocking, rather the most haunting surprise!

This fiction is written in response to the ‘Thursday #writephoto Photo Prompt by Sue Vincent.

To know more about the prompt, go through the guidelines, on her blog.

47 thoughts on “Haunting Surprise

  1. Ohh that must have been such a traumatic experience for her. This is so heartbreaking. If you don’t mind a bit of constructive criticism, usually in stories they say that it’s better to show not tell. It basically means that we should tell all the details but rather we should find out ways to show it to the readers. That’s easier said than done though. I hope that this doesn’t rub you the wrong way.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for reading, Shweta!

      I’m always open to criticisms. It’s something that helps me grow. Thank you for telling this! (:

      I haven’t written many fictions before. So, the next time I write, I’ll definitely consider your suggestion.

      Regarding this story, how do you think I could have approached instead of telling Aditi’s flashback directly? Just curious!

      Liked by 1 person

      • I have been writing fiction for nearly three years and I too am guilty of this at times.
        Just off the top of my head, you could have shown that Adi was confused and desperate to revive her. Aditi could have shouted her sister’s name or mumbled something as to her sister’s fate. Or you could have transported us to the scenes that were flashing through Aditi’s eyes….
        I hope this makes sense. I confess that I’m a tad bit sleepy

        Liked by 1 person

        • Thank you for a great response even when you’re sleepy! I get your point, Shweta. I welcome your suggestions.

          I tried to express the flashback as Aditi’s own train of thoughts when she’s still lying there fainted. Rather than transporting the scenes through her eyes, I meant to display them only through her mind. Adi doesn’t know them still!

          I’m very happy for this healthy conversation!

          Have a good night’s sleep!! 🤗

          Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s